I’m pretty scared of whats in store for me in the next couple of months.  I don’t know how to approach it. I have a lot of things to get done before i can even get deployed, still got a ticket i need to pay off and some loans from school.. I didn’t know it was going to be this stressful to join the air force. I thought it was just I go in and sign a paper than I wait a couple weeks and leave, HA if only if it was that easy for me. With other things going on in my life and this I think i’m about to break down.. I just want to leave already, but I don’t know if i’m ready to leave everything i have here and go out and do my own thing.. I mean I am going to be gone for 4+ years and i can miss a lot of memorable events in that time, but than i’m bettering my future for myself when i come back. ahh it’s going to be hard i already know and i’m just very very anxious. my older cousin just came back from basic training and he told me it wasn’t that bad i just have to get use to being away from everyone for a long time. I don’t know if i’m ready for this yet. I may say i am, but i know i’m not. I still have a lot of things to work on like getting back into shape. I’ve been going to the gym non stop just to get my stamina back to where it was last year when i was ‘buff’ maybe i just need to quit smoking, but its so hard when all of the people you hang out with on the daily does it too.. its just one thing that i have to overcome like most of the things i overcame already.. another obstacle that i have to complete and i know i can do it if i put my all into it, but is it in my heart to do so? i just want to make my parents proud and to stop all of the naggin of what i am going to do with myself in the future cause i can’t be living with moms and pops for the rest of my life. I need to get my own place and experience living like an adult and not be supported by my parents financially because i need their support mentally and physically if i want to get through this. I know that I have my friends support with this i think.. lol. I just want to succeed in life and the next time i’m gonna read this post. I’m going to be back from serving my 4 years and some and reading this in my own room in my own house.